'Stolen from our eyes'

As workers and the general public consult themselves on what should go and how to pay for the current 'crisis', you wonder, I wonder, Is there a choice?

Apparently the government is skint, no not the actual MP's and ministers, infact the cabinet consists of over 18 millionaires. And Cameron, and his family, have assests of over £18 million pounds. So easy to look at a budget and numbers and not see the cost, or the blame, of this crisis.

As the coatlition government slowly but surely attempts to balance its budget, we wonder, where is the money? Where did it go?

And where are the words that say no to this? Where are the actions? Where are the voices we'd expect, and hope for, on a day, a week, a life like this?

I still see roses, cam smell them too & they light up my spirit and help me breathe. Without you, without them, a colourless, odourless life would exist. I want to live in colour.

Services have been reduced, collective specialist services, things, people, spaces which make, have made our lives easier, less painful, less barbaric and more. They have given us material and practical support to live, with someone, without someone and so should it, could it go on.

But yesterday and some yesterdays before we let go a little, a lot, and they 'stole from our very eyes'. Some people said there hands were safe, steady and steel but underneath a wall of promises, were eyes and bellys full of greed. Stolen.

Anti cuts alliances spring up across the country, reminiscent of the Anti poll tax unions with a memory of hope and possibility. Whilst cost savings, effectioncy, freezes... are splashed across our conciousness and as rains in a drought. When did we actually run dry? Where did the waters go?

'Stolen from our very eyes'. 'I will rise' like a phoenix from a flame, I will return. I will return' (Sinead O Connor TROY)

Parallel times and parallell lives- Thatcher, Blair, Brown & the boys - passing on the mask, beneath which you steal from us, blame us.

Parks and gardens GMB branch 5?
Imagine if this didn't exsist? Where would you go? I imagine what it would look like, what it would smell like - 'stolen from our very eyes'.

Domini Public @ National Theatre Square

We are given headphones, a hundred of us, and asked questions mainly. From light and fluffy to hard and hurtful, can we, will we tell the truth right here in public will we? He asked things from had we taken photos of ourselves naked to had we been on a demonstration.

He incorporates information about Mozart, he was a Mason and wrote the magic flute for economic reasons, as Dostoevsky writing Crime and Punishment.

There is something quite special about live performance and questions, I love questions. As it moves on, we are separated by our birthplaces, and those who are from outside of London become prison officers, your uncomfortable with that, I am, I was. And we go through watching and taking part, in actions, in murders and in silent witness.

He ends the piece, with us all drawn into a small dark cinema space, listening to questions, repeated, and a visual document of a game. They end with all of our names on as credits. Clever. Very clear and interesting. They do these free bee previews, which help!

By Roger Bernat - Professor of Dance at University of Pisa and Barcelona and Critical Methodology at Uni of LiAquilla.

'A Life in Pictures - George Orwell' 14.6.2003 BBC2

"Biography with Orwell's words are married to his essays, journalism, dairies, letters...(creating) a portrait of a rebel whose life was shaped by momentous world events"

There are no recordings of his voice...They chose to visualise him and his words and wanderings.Uses pictures of him as a youth, dramatic reconstructions of him, abstract and representational, with some repetition of shots.

Refers to him pretending to be down and out. Yeuk! "Great consolation in poverty" as he learnt about working men.

I was put off him for lots of this, but he still interests me. Calls me closer. Interesting piece..some questions answered, many just opened up.

BK 'Why I write' - Tell me?!

Handsworth Songs (1992 C4 61m)

Been meaning to watch this again for a while, finally got hold of a copy at LSBU library. (Oh I love it when you can get hold of somet!)

It sets a visual context by shots of industry and black workers in that..building up to some interwoven narration, almost poetry. Interspersed are the voices of many people involved in the Handsworth riots, and those dealing with the repercussions. With archival footage of the black workers conscious of how they might be deemed by white workers as they migrated.. the story doesn't end there. These riots were at the time of the miners strike and also whilst the Liverpool 47 battle went on.

Some of the various shots for me to consider:

• Industrial, traffic movement, skylines, nature, CCTV, Police, group shots of meetings and organisers, interviews, arguments documented, graffiti, general public movement everyday, statues of leaders of Britain, other archives, some turning toys... dark and menacing.

For me:

1. Possible Thatcher masked person,
2. Statues in Liverpool
3. Parliment
4. What else was going on visualised

1. Footage of newspapers
2. Quotes, words
3. headlines of where the money is
4. Tighten belt
5. What is socialism - trails by Stalinist then and now Defend 4
6. Redundancies tactic
7. Parks,nature, growth
8. Housing
9. Maps, A-Z
10. Other councils then and now
11. Unaffordable housing prices - evictions
12. Bob C and Brendan B - what now?
13. ?Any poetry from then
14. ? 's was it worth it? Participation and process.
15. Music - varied 'What about the WC?' LKJ

47 steps closer

Met with Lisa L today, she originally thought we could do a project about the Liverpool 47 councillor (1983-87). She is up for Producing a documentary and will be brilliant at this. She is also 6 months lumpy... so we will get one 3 day shoot done in early Sep. Several people agreed to be interviewed from my last visit so we can follow that up.

I need to draft the synopsis by the 13th August, why make the film now, what is its relevance, what are we focusing on, whats the story etc.

Am glad, think the history and how people participated and why is so hidden or distorted. Right now what choices have we got?

Real time

Was good to meet James, wonder though why others were not interested or able to commit? Maybe we are older and used to working in real time, as opposed to just virtual contact? Not sure but it was good to set time aside. Sometimes so much can happen and move and sometimes its harder to see.

Was definitely a useful catch up and we have agreed to share blog links, reading each others twice a month and perhaps commenting. We will also add each other to Facebook for the development of audiences for each of us too.

I need to get collaborators to work with on the 3 projects I want to complete in the next 12 months, be they inside or outside or even alongside this MA. I like unfinished finishes, if that makes sense, but unfinished can also be a lack of commitment. Nothing really ends but something else can grow if I give it a clear space and possibility. My production skills are low, no, level but I want these tools to explore this world with and through that I talk with you all. Without words, without words.

What next ??

Later I meet with James, good to catch up on his project, which is and has been very clear.. and mine which is an committed mess. Will I only do what is useful collecively or do I have the courage to step outside that? To step inside the detail and move further. Sometimes I do and that's no bad thing. I have choices again and need to make some decisions.

To help prepare for today, I have read and looked over this whole blog, a tool for reflection too. Not up to date and there is so much more that could go in but its useful as reminders, ongoing questions and focus.

Will listen to the dictaphone of my presentation too later. That should help with reflection and direction - where was I then a month ago, where am I now. What have a done since then? What more do I need to do? I have time, and I do not have time. I have some skills but I also worry too much that it leads to a paralysing fear to do, to commit. What have I really got to loose right now? What and who? Nothing but my own sense of me, relationship to the outside world. Relationship to all of this, come closer, slip into the water and feel it.

Coming into focus - whilst they push me out

I know I should write about my MA work but its not as simple as that. Today, yesterday the things I am involved in, are not as simple as they could be. Is it just about I perceive something or how I deal with something? A combination of the two, interwoven. What I put up with creates a path, it creates a path one that seems like the only path, but its not. Today I felt closer to you and them, and less hurt by you but your rough, too rough...

What did I get from being in Liverpool? I went for a week and arranged several meetings with old friends some who have worked with film and others who have made incredible differences. Their openess a chat.. cathy, becki, ruth, ti, dave and pete, was quite moving.

Years ago, I ran to Liverpool and found this, my darkest days were forced open by this light and possibility with a passion and a strength I've yet to match. I was (and can be) a dark force and you all let me in, opened your arms and let me in. Your more to me than I think you all will ever realise.

What do I remember about that time? Why is this relevant today? Housing...challenge, housing solution.. spirit, humour, involvement, participation at a scale and depth unrivalled.

My clouds in pants

Through her window I see the most beautiful clouds.. from inside they are framed away from me.
Looking to the sand, and how the water moves it...
And dam, I love reflections....clouds melting, dancing, holding onto the water.

Should I be looking at something else, probably. But in between all of that...I also see this.

And more of this.

Can't help what I like to see, what I want to explore, even if I know its not the most important focus right now...its a part of what I see and I need it to also take part in the rest.

Not propaganda, not dark, not realistic stalinistic representations of how the workers are in struggle, above, around, inside the movements. I am here too. I see this and feel this too.

July